It’s unrealistic to think that once you become celibate, your sex drive automatically shuts off; because trust me it doesn’t. When you say “God, I’m ready to give up sex until marriage” your sex drive doesn’t take a cue and shut down. It’s not like this magical thing happens in your body and you no longer desire sex. Noooooooooooo. We have to be real because these feelings are. So let’s set the record straight: getting horny is natural.
Yea, I said it: it is natural to desire sex. Our sexual drive is something that God created us with because he created us to procreate!
So you all probably know the story of when I decided to say no to sex and yes to God. If you don’t, check out the article and run back over here. My celibacy journey has become more than just practicing abstinence to please God but rather saving myself because I realize what I deserve. I am no longer willing to give my body to a man who isn’t “husbae”.
The first two years of being celibate were the best two years of being celibate. I was single, free, and happy. As time passed, my desire to be married increase and unfortunately there were no prospects.
Because I gave up sex, until marriage, didn’t mean my sex drive diminished; in fact I feel it increased. In the first early years of my celibacy, I stayed away from situations where I knew I would be tempted to have sex; i.e. the club!
However, one night I thought I was strong enough to go out dancing, “I’d been celibate long enough to be an expert”, I thought; WRONG. After a very interesting interaction with a man I met, I realized A LOT about celibacy, sex, and temptation. Long story short, I broke my vow of celibacy and this is what I learned:
- Celibacy has to be a heart thing – you can’t just do it because Sade’s doing it, it’s in the bible, or your pastor said to do it. It has be a heart thing FIRST! Ask God for the desire to abstain from sex until marriage if this is something you don’t already have.
- You have to be an active participant in your journey; God isn’t going to do the work for you – I talk about this more below.
- You have to fight temptations and anything/place/person that will cause you to slip up, like I did; learn from me.
After breaking my vow of celibacy, after 2 years, I felt that I’d given a piece of my body away; I never wanted to feel this way again until it’s with the man that I marry. This is when celibacy became a heart matter for me, I wasn’t just doing it because it was the right thing to do, I was doing it because I wanted more for myself .
So what do you do when you’re tempted? Let me tell you what you don’t do:
Don’t put yourself in situations where you know you will be tempted.
Some women, who are practicing celibacy, are okay with late night or intimate interactions with men, not me. I know myself and my triggers so I ensure to create boundaries that won’t lead me in a situation I will regret later. This is what I meant by: “You have to be an active participant in your celibacy journey”; God isn’t going to do the work for you. You cannot pray away your sexual desires, it’s just not natural; what you can do is ask God for the strength to resist. Ask God to help you become more disciplined in this area.
Guard Your Gate
As much as I love Molly and Issa, I couldn’t watch Season 2 of HBO’s Insecure because I needed to guard my eye gate. Every other scene was a sex scene and there was nothing I could do with those displaced emotions but fall asleep. I also limit the type of music I listen to i.e. I’m not blasting baby making music all day; I refuse to lead my own self into temptation. I don’t partake in anything that’s going to motivate me to call-a-dude-up; I’m just being real. This is where discipline is mastered; create boundaries for yourself so you don’t find yourself in a situation you will regret later; like at Daquan’s house.
Don’t beat yourself up if you are tempted.
The word says: There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it – 1 Corinthians 10:13 KJV. That was a mouthful but lets break it down.
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man – temptation is normal, this is something we all have in common.
but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able – God will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you can handle however,
with the temptation also make a way to escape – God will give you a way to get out of falling into temptation. This means you have to take the action when you are tempted i.e. don’t answer the “Hey, Stranger” text from your ex. Delete the message and keep it moving sis; this is the way of escape.
that ye may be able to bear it– when you take the route of escape you are able to bear the temptation. Eventually, you will forget that he texted you.
Being tempted is both common and it’s real.
I pray this helped you realize that there is nothing wrong with what you’ve been feeling. Although on your celibacy journey, you will be tempted, it’s up to you to be disciplined.
Get an accountability partner; find someone that will check on you when you are tempted.
Know the things. places, and people that sexually arouse you and do your best to keep your distance from them; just shut it down.
If you slip up, repent and ask for forgiveness. Do whatever it takes to not only be in God’s will but to wait on God’s best. Be blessed!
*Repent means to turn away from sin.
I love you and God loves you!