This is my most vulnerable post yet so let’s cut to the chase:
1. I Stopped Entertaining Men I Saw No Future With
It took me a longggggggg time but I had to realize that I could no longer entertain men who I saw no future with. Girl, you know when you meet a guy whether or not he is someone you can see yourself with. If your goal is marriage, you don’t have time to waste entertaining men who you cannot envision spending your life with. If you’re anything like me, this is hard to accept because you fall into that percentage of people who think they can change people. You cannot save a man ! You cannot mold and shape a man into who you want him to be. You can not make a man more honest, more integral, more genuine, or more understanding; that’s God’s work. We cannot change a man! You can’t make a man a husband. So before I delve deep into opening myself up to a man or dating him, I gave the situation to God. I was like “God, look, I’m fed up with these dead end situationships, if the dude ain’t sent by you; don’t send him” ( that’s how God and I talk ). God did just that, once I gave the situation over to him. He closed every door and put me in a place where I’m am covered and only to be exposed to my God-mate; it’s God’s divine protection. Seek God on whether the man is truly for you and if not, close the door and run in the opposite direction; trust me.
Dear God: if the dude ain't sent by you, don't send him. Click To Tweet
2. I Created Boundaries
It’s so important that you know what your own boundaries are. If you are really trying to maintain a celibate lifestyle, there are certain things you shouldn’t do if you know it’s going to jeopardize your celibacy. These things are different for everyone. For me, I can’t partake in late night visits or super intimate settings; just can’t. Why would I set myself up like this? One thing that helped me in this area, was the understanding that I must fight my flesh daily. In order to keep my vow, I needed to create boundaries!! Quick Story: Last year, I met a guy at one of my favorite lounge spots in NYC. Homeboy was tall, chocolate, fine and had the body of a Greek god ( I wish I could show y’all what He looked like ). Now, against my better judgement, things got a little intimate a little too fast; nothing sexual. After a few dates, he invited me upstairs “to chill”. RED ALERT, RED ALERT!
Guys, I literally stood downstairs with Him and toyed with the idea in my head. I had to make a tough decision to either maintain my vow with God or break it! I knew if I went upstairs alone, with Mr. Chocolate, there was no “chilling” that would take place; I had to keep it real with myself. I think people get this idea that when you’re celibate you lose your desire to have sex – wrong. The desire is definitely there but you learn the need for self-discipline. BOUNDARIES.
3. I Became Dependent on God Through Prayer Regarding My Celibacy
Sis, if you’re going to take this journey, you’re going to need God. You cannot do this in your own strength. This was the biggest revelation I had almost 2 years into celibacy. I thought I could do it own my own; wrong. I had to pray and ask God to give me the strength to keep my vow. I continually acknowledge that I need God. This gives God the permission to step in and help us; He’s not going to force himself on you. Has the journey been easy? Absolutely not, but now I’m in it with God this time. When I pray, I don’t ask God to remove the desire; I ask Him to help me not act on it. What you’re feeling is normal. Listen, Paul said: ” I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”- Romans 5:17. You’re in good company!
You think God doesn’t know the “struggle is real”? He does. The Word of God says: “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13. This means that God understands our human tendencies and He will always give us a way out of situations that tempt us. WE just have to take the hint when it comes!
Just to sum it up: 1) Stop entertaining men you see no future with 2) Create boundaries and 3) Become dependent on God.