Everybody but me
Everyone’s getting married…but me.
Everyone’s in relationships…but me.
Everyone’s having children…but me.
Everyone’s getting ahead…but me.
Everyone’s getting blessed…but me.
I know what it’s like to believe God for something that you have no evidence will come to pass. It’s seems harder to believe Him for something while watching others get the very thing you’ve prayed for. I often speak about my singleness but what I may not speak about, as often, is the reality of the struggle. I will save the meat of this message for my book but I want to share enough so you know that you are not alone.
Countless times have I spoken out these words. Prayed and asked God why. Do you know what it feels like to wait 7 years for a promise from God? What it feels like when you’ve been completely obedient to God, did everything He’s asked of you and still NOTHING. It’s a struggle; a struggle I know way too well. The biggest struggle is not having any evidence that what you desire will even work out for you. God what do I do when what I see does not line up with the vision you’ve given me?
How is it humanly possible that you will bring me a spouse when all I’ve encountered were counterfeits, men pretending to be something they weren’t? How is it humanly possible that you will bring me a spouse when I’ve dealt with nothing but constant let-downs and disappointments. Guess what? It’s not humanly possible it’s supernaturally possible.
I cannot say that I know or comprehend everything that God does, it’s not His will for us too but what I do know is that God doesn’t work off of logic. God doesn’t do the things that are easy or the things that are realistic, He operates off of what seems impossible. I truly believe that God will make it seem impossible, make others think it won’t happen just to show that He is God. God doesn’t operate off of human efforts, when you wait on God; He will bring the spouse He has for you and it will glorify Him. God steps in when it seems like all hope is lost, not to stress us out or frustrate us but to prove that He is God.
I’ve surrendered everything regarding my marriage to God because I realize that if He doesn’t do it, it will not get done RIGHT.
I remember the day I prayed and asked God to take away my desire to get married. I cried out: “God, if you are not going to bring me a spouse, if this is not your will for me, remove the desire and I will be okay”, He didn’t. If God gives you a desire for marriage then He will bring you a spouse. The word of God says that He will give you the desires of your heart. When God gives you the desires of your heart this is Him downloading His desire for you in your heart. He places that desire there; desires that line up with the will of God. Many Christians have argued this point saying they don’t want to give false hope. My job is to encourage you to believe God will bring you a spouse. God’s desire is for us to replenish the Earth through His ordained marriages. I stand on the word of God and so should you.
Don’t let what you see distract you from what God has put on your heart. If you are having doubts that your desires are pure or His, ask God.
God, your word says that you give us the desires of our heart. I trust your word to be true. I stand on your word and your promise. Lord, help me to seek your heart and things of God. Help my desires to line up with your will for my life. I know that you give us free will and I am thankful for that but my desire is to have what you will for me. I know that your plans for my life are perfect so I give you the okay to search me. Search my heart Lord and separate my will from yours. Make me aware of my desires and cause them to line up with the word of God.
Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts. Psalm 139:23
Years ago, God gave me a vision for my marriage. When it didn’t happen year one, two, three, four, and five, I was okay but when year six crept up, my endurance started to run out. God reminded me, a few days ago, to write down the vision and remember the promise. He encouraged me to endure like a good servant which means to continue to serve the Lord and He will give me a crown of glory. It’s hard; it’s so hard to believe God when you don’t have the evidence of what you’ve been praying for before your eyes. However, here is what we do have the evidence of:
God is faithful to His word. Isaiah 11:55
He is a man that cannot lie. Numbers 23:19
(Wo)Man devises plans in his heart but God orchestrates their footsteps. Proverbs 16:9
He is a promise-keeping God. 2 Peter 3:9
His word is true. 2 Samuel 7:28
Every vision that He has given you for your life, will come to pass. Habakkah 2:2
God does not operate on our time, He operates outside of time. 2 Peter 3:8
He has good thoughts of you and the life He has for you.His plans are to bless you. Jeremiah 29:11
Be still and know that He is God.
Another huge lesson I’ve learned in my season of waiting on God to bring my spouse is this: don’t operate the way the world does. People that we are looking at as “relationship goals” may have settled. We look at the good moments on social media and equate that to the entirety of individuals’ marriage; we don’t know what goes on behind the timeline.
I took the advice of the world when it came to marriage and dating and it drained me. “Put yourself out there”, “make yourself available”, “maybe you should be less intimidating”, “join a dating app”. “go to places where men are”, “work on yourself”, “don’t focus on marriage”, the list of things that didn’t work goes on. The best thing I’ve done for myself, in this season, and the one thing that I can encourage you to do is : trust in the Lord.
I’ve surrendered everything surrounding my marriage to God because I realize that if He does not do it, it will not get done RIGHT. I’ve spent too much energy and time trying to figure this out, all I have left to do is believe God for the very thing He put in my heart and I pray you will believe Him too.