I cannot stress the following statement enough: “know who you are and whose you are.” It is so important, when dating (or just in general), that you have clear understanding of your worth.
Ladies, it’s time for us to know who we are and what we deserve. After acknowledging your worth, you must then, put your self-confidence into action. I believe that men can smell the scent of low self-worth and vulnerability on us women. A man who has no good intentions will try to plant seeds of doubt, about your wait or standards, in you. My many encounters with men and stories from my girlfriends solidify the weight of that last statement.
No matter how long you’ve been single, don’t ever get to the place where you become desperate. With desperation comes a vulnerability to lower the standards of what you deserve.
I went on a date with this guy recently; in conversation, he asked the infamous and dreaded question: “So, why are you still single?” My response was, as it usually is: “I’m waiting to encounter a man who meets the basic standards of what I’m looking for.” , “So, what is it that you are looking for?” he asked. “The basics: honesty, integrity, ambition, and morals”, I responded. He didn’t seem too enthused by my response.
A man who can’t or is unwilling to meet the standards you set will try to make you feel like you’re asking for too much (repost that)! You are not asking for too much girl. A man should be willing to bring to the table the same things you are offering. The basics are expected: honesty, integrity, morals, and values. Don’t allow a man to make you feel like he can hand you the short hand of the stick and never feel obliged to accept it. I’m too old for Netflix and chill boy—make plans. I came to remind you of who you are! The days of accepting scraps are over.
So, I didn’t intend on bringing up my celibacy on the first date but after some probing, it came up. His response was: “Oh, men like that don’t exist anymore” but what I heard was: you might as well just give it up to me because there’s no hope for you. He then proceeded to disgust me even further with his next statement: “Marriage is just a piece of paper”. So in my assertive nature I responded: “Well, if you believe that’s the case, I rather stay single than give it up a guy who doesn’t meet my standards.” Without getting into too many further details, like finding out halfway through the dinner that he was still legally married, he didn’t.
Not only have I waited too long to settle but I know who I am and whose I am. I refuse, and you should too, allow men to plant seeds of doubt and worry in you about your wait or simply what you want in a man. Men with integrity do exist. Honest men do exist and men who are willing to wait: DO EXIST.
You fought too hard to become the woman you are to date a man who doesn’t: 1. Recognize it 2. Respect it. 3. Value it.
Here are some more lies I’ve heard:
You’re never going to find a man like that
You’re standards are too high
You are expecting too much
Yeah, no one believes in THAT anymore
Those type of men don’t exist
Here’s who God says we are and why we shouldn’t settle:
You are Marvelous – Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous–how well I know it. Psalms 139:14
You are Radiant – Psalms 34:5 Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.
You are Good – Genesis 1:31 And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good… ( EVERYTHING!)
Let me close with this:
Wait on a man that will love you the way that God loves you. God is concerned about every single aspect of who you are. “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered” Luke 12:7a. He’s fully concerned about your mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. Fall in love with God first not the idea of love first. If you want a “God” relationship, get to know God. A man should treat you the way that God values you. You’re not just worth it; you’re MORE than worth it.
So maybe you’re reading this and struggling with low self-esteem, I’ve been there before. It was when I began to spend time with God that He shed the layers of self-doubt and low self-worth off of me (it’s a healing process). Stop comparing yourself to the girls you see on social media. Stop decreasing your worth because he left you. Your worth is not based on the men you are/aren’t in a relationship with, your worth comes from God. You alone are precious in the sight of God. A true “God-fearing” man will fall in love your heart first!
Declaration: Thank you Lord for showing me what I was worth even when I failed to recognize it!