Earlier this week, I had the opportunity to attend Angela Yee’s Book Club Event “Kickin it From the Stoop” with special guest Devon Franklin.
Many know Devon Franklin as the husband to Meghan Goode however he is also a renowned preacher and best-selling author.
Source: Getty Images
I was intrigued by the title of the event and his latest book because I, as I’m sure every woman, am curious to know: “What is the Truth about Men!”
So here are 5 Truths from about men and women, from Devon Franklin, that you need to know:
1: If he tells you he’s not ready to commit, believe him
As much as I’ve heard this; it’s been hard truth to live by. There were many times I’ve sensed that the men I dated (using this term loosely) were not ready to commit and I still continued on in my attempt to “change his mind”; no more!
2: One of men’s biggest struggles is his fight with lust.
Not only do most men battle with their lustful desires but they also try to suppress these feelings by not talking about them. I can only agree to the extent that many of the men I’ve spoken to express how important sex is to them and they can’t fathom the idea of taking it of sex off the table until marriage.
On the flipside, I’ve spoken with men who desire to be celibate but claim that sex is too hard to resist.
3: We can’t go into relationships with unspoken expectations.
When Franklin dropped this gem, it hit me like a brick! There have been many times I’ve placed unrealistic and unspoken expectations on a man; I ignorantly thought they would live up to this standard I created. As much as I’ve said: “People are going to operate on the level that they are on”, I have to sit and question if I’ve actually accepted this. Have I accepted that some of the behaviors I expected from certain men were completely unrealistic? I can hear myself saying to myself: “they never really had it to give you Sade”. What caused even more internal conflict for me was that I left the expectations UNSPOKEN. I don’t believe there is anything wrong with having a standard however, do the other party a favor and voice this.
“Women take on “projects” because of their desire to feel needed.”
4: Appeal to the love in your man to rise up!
“Speak to the King in him” because men desire a love and affirmation that they don’t often vocalize they do. Knowing the right words to say to the man you are dating takes a level of discipline, maturity, and humility that I can attest I didn’t have before. I’ve finally learned the basics: “think before you speak” and I believe this is what Devon Franklin was alluding to when he encouraged women to “speak to the king in him”. Here are some phrases mentioned that you can use to affirm your man rather than tear him down:
- “I’m disappointed in you because I know that you are better than that”.
- “I expected more from you”.
- “You are beautiful husband to this family, I need for you to do more than that; because we know you can”
5: Women take on “projects” because of their desire to feel needed.
This spoke volumes to me! In just 11 words, Franklin read me my entire life. I’ve tried to make something out of nothing. I can’t tell you how many times men have offered me crumbs and I tried to make a meal out of it! If you’ve read my last post on abandonment you’d be able to identify that this is where these issues come from. I subconsciously wanted to feel needed; “If I can offer him value, he will need me”; that’s deep.
God never intended for you to live in pieces. He desires that you are whole the way that He created you. Because of trauma and life experiences, our spirits are often crushed and we walk around BROKEN. The thing I love about God is that, if you seek Him, He will always equip you with the tools and awareness you need to heal and be set free. Some of the healing God will do in and for you but there will be times when you have to do the work yourself. Although The Word doesn’t say: “God helps those who helps themselves”, I believe this is true. We must acknowledge how our decisions affect our lives, once you have the awareness that your behaviors are dysfunctional and detrimental to your purpose, do the work to change it.